100 things about me

Quite a bit copied from critter :)

1. I am addicted to shopping
2. I have one sister
3. I only wear silver or white gold jewelry
4. I own about 15 pairs of flip flops
5. I am very close to my parents and sister
6. I am Pro Choice
7. I spend too much time everyday reading blogs
8. I will watch almost any reality show
9. I secretly dream to be a size 6
10. I am scared I will never be in a single digit clothing size
11. I like Paris Hilton’s song Stars are Blind
12. I worry that I will always be the “fat girl”
13. I am a very paranoid person
14. I watch more MTV, TLC, VH1, and E! than any other channels
15. I am filled with useless celebrity info
16. I own way too many pairs of VS undies
17. My favorite TV show is Grey’s Anatomy
18. I cried when I watched the season finale...and I almost NEVER cry watching tv
19. I secretly want to become a interior designer and flip homes but I am afraid of failure
20.I haven't done a lot of things in life because I'm scared of failing
21. I went to the Bon Jovi concert last week
22. I hate my natural hair color
23. I have tortured my hair so much I am surprised I still have any
24. I talk too much
25. My favorite movie of all time is The Notebook
26. I suck at talking about myself in front of cute boys
27. I suck at talking to cute boys period
28. I am horrible at cleaning my room...it's dirty every other day
29. I am very controlling
30. I'm worried about never making enough money to support the lifestyle I want
31. I eat because I'm bored...all the time
32. I would love to be able to run in public for more than a block
33. I’m Team Aniston and Team Nick/Jessica
34. If my husband makes enough money for me to be a SAHM, I'd loved to do it for a few years
35. I've always wanted to be on MTV's Made for some sort of fitness thing but am too scared
36. I have 1 dog
37. I sometimes wonder how my life would have been different if I would have lost weight during High School
38. I always wished I was better friends with the kids who partied
39. I bit my nails until about two weeks ago and have no idea what finally made me stop
40. I have a guilty conscious
41. I get mad if someone doesn’t like me
42. I drive a mitsubishi galant
43. I worked 350 hours last summer to buy my car
44. I spent 7000$ on it and pay for my own car insurance and gas
45. I pay $1250 a year for insurance
46. I hate that I am going to my state university and feel like I settled
47. I didn't go the University of Maryland b/c I was scared of taking on loans this early in life
48. I'm scared shitless that I'm not going to make new friends in college
49. I want to party and go a little crazy in college
50. I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life
51. I really want to do something where I'm going to make a lot of money
52. I'm scared that I'm never going to have a boyfriend
53. I want to have more than one
54. I'm scared that I'm going to get married and have kids late in life
55. I want to get married within the next 5-7 years
56. I am freaking out about living with a random roomate at college
57. I can't wait to move out of my house even though i get along well with my parents
58. I hate the fact that I have such a problem finding healthy food to eat
59. I wish my mom cooked better
60. I do partially blame my parents for being overweight b/c of my bad eating habits
61. I speak russian fluently
62. I was born outside of the U.S.
63. I love to travel
64. My favorite vacations were Cancun and Alaska
65. I want to live on the West Coast (Upper Cali or Oregon)
66. Otherwise I plan to stay in the east coast
67. I'm pretty sure that I will study abroad during college
68. I believe there is a pretty good chance that I will transfer schools
69. I'm planning to transfer unless I fall in love with Rutgers
70. I'm seriously considering going to law school, but only if I do extremely well on the LSAT's, thus being able to go to a top law school and make lots of money
71. I'm not ashamed of the fact that I want to make a lot of money
72. Despite sounding like a snob, I pay for most of my expenses and rarely spend more than 20-30$ on any single thing
73. I smoke weed once when i was 14 and LIKED it :)
74. I am addicted to smiley faces on AIM
75. Lately, I've been thinking to hell with it-I'm done being so self concious around guys
76. I have yet to put this thought to the test
77. I basically learned to drive in a week after i got my car
79. I honestly believe that I don't look as heavy as I am
80. I love my butt
81. I'm scared that there is a medical issue such as thyroid problems as to why I'm overweight
82. I love the fact that my dad is leaving for a week to go live with a spanish family in mexico to only speak spanish
83. I'm glad he's finally doing something for himself
84. I'm worried how my parents will cope with an empty nest
85. I plan to always have a dog in my life after i buy my own home
86. I can't wait to buy my own home
87. I was disgusted with the fact that the majority of the attention i got in cancun was from sleazy spanish men
88. I tend to get hit on by older russian men and am disgusted by it
89. I was shocked when i won a scholarship from my father's union since i wrote the essay the night before
90. I think the hottest i ever looked was at this year's prom...scroll down for pic in a few posts ago
91. My favorite colors are green and blue
92. I'm shocked that I got this done in about an hour
93. My sister and I are 5 and a half years apart
94. We fought all the time when we were younger and still do quite a bit
95. She fought a lot of my battles for me with my parents
96. Until I was 6, i was stick skinny
97. I gained probably close to 30 pounds in 2 years
98. And didn't realize it until 2 months ago when I was looking at pictures
99. I think that was also my parents fault that we didn't catch it, b/c i only went to the doctors when i needed paperwork filled out instead of yearly
100. I'm so happy that I'm trying to change the weight situation now instead of late in life, and fully expect to be at goal before my 19th birthday

101...... :) I honestly believe i will eat better and continously workout in college

I'm horrible at coming up with titles...

Yay! Another succesful week of hitting the gym four times...and for at least an hour and half to two...it's nice when I have this kind of time to dedicate to myself and my body....The funny thing is that yesterday when I didn't work out, i felt quite lethargic...maybe im finally getting to the point where I have to do SOME KIND of workout everday? I would actually love that...

The food is getting better little by little.......While I'm not eating the right things or often enough at all.....im gravitating away from even WANTING the junk. I went to the store today to get something to eat (b/c there is no food in my house whatsoever) and I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted. I was going to get some kind of junk......i was like, oh i want either cake or cookies or something......but b/c I couldn't settle on one thing (as in there was nothing that I HAD to have) I ended up with some sushi and diet iced tea. It was a good feeling...

I'm kind of trying to find new things that I can eat......whether or not I have to buy them premade or cook it myself, either one is fine. I just can't eat my mother's cooking and blank out whenever I try to find something to make. So for the last few days, I either eat junk that I really don't even want but am just starving, or I only eat once a day when I go get a salad or sushi or something like that. I'm to the point that even when I go to get something to eat, I want healthy food. It's just not that easy to get lol!

Putting it all together

So this is my second week of great exercising....4 days last week and twice so far this week, with another workout planned for tomorrow and friday.
Gold's has a couple of free training sessions when you sign up, and im a bit worried.
The stuff the trainer has me doing is so much lighter then i do by myself, so im wondering if when i work out......that im burning myself out and then thats why i quit after a few weeks? When i go to the gym i spend b/t an hr and a half to two there each time....about 30-40 mins cardio (split between bike and eliptical) and the rest on free weights/machine weights/stretching and abs on ball, ab roller etc.
I really do think i push myself harder when i workout on my own, but it hasn't really made a difference. Maybe right now i just need to work on finding a good medium, and finding a way in which i don't make myself feel that i have to do EVERYTHING every time i work out. My trainer has shown me a lot of new stuff, so i just need to break it down to two or three routines i can rotate.....that way when the weight starts dropping, there will be a place for me to work harder, where i won't need to spend 3 or 4 hrs there to get a good workout!

In addition, the food is still horrible, but what worries me is that i dont really seem to care.
I think the worst part is that i dont get out of my house until 2 or 3 everyday, where im either off to work or the gym. I sleep till about 11 (i know, lazy but hey its my last summer before college!) then watch tv and go online, and eat some kind of junk which then throws the rest of my day off. I think if i started the day off nutriously, it would carry on.
I'm also going to start going back to drinking less crap and more water. I was doing quite well and then just got lazy, b/c i do need to think about it to actually do it.

Right now, its all about getting the pieces right and letting it happen gradually. I think my friend (who lost about 40 pounds) is right.......just do it, don't overanalyze and worry about it, just do it.

So here's the plan for the rest of the summer:

-Start getting up and doing things instead of wasting time: ie, cleaning out all the crap in my room before i leave for school little by little, and maybe mix up gym time with some time at the park
-Plan out the hanging out for city/beach/six flags/see everyone going to dif. schools
-Continue working out 4 times a week- but break it down into a few routines to rotate and not overwork myself
-Look into a pilates or yoga class
-Drink more water and cut down on the diet coke...which i still only drink at work really, but more than i need to
-Conciously work on eating better
-Find a creative outlet that i can continue once i get to school

Loving the summer!

I've basically been working and hanging out, sleeping late, and enjoying my last summer before college :)

Spending lots of money on dorm stuff is fun!

I made it to the gym 4 times this week, which i am very happy to report.

The eating has been horrendous, so that's another story, but im just doing it all one piece at a time, and this time-

its really going to happen!

Back on the wagon...

So I haven't posted in a few weeks...

I went on vaca to Cancun...had an absolute blast going to all the clubs, meeting some great people, relaxing, and hanging out with my best friend in the world, who i don't get to see too often. It was just an awesome trip. I ate pretty well.......it was all inclusive, but i stuck to healthy food and didn't really eat a lot of sweets.....all the stuff on the islands isn't too sweet, its all fresh, and with all the dancing and everything, i actually managed to loose some weight!

However since i've been home for a bit over a week, i've been doing a lot of nothing with some work on the side. I realized that when i sit at home, i sleep and eat, and thats about it lol. So I went to Gold's and signed a new contract for a month, and got my butt back to the gym!

I plan to use that to full advantage, after that i'll have about 3 weeks left here at home before i leave for school. During those couple of weeks, instead of wasting another 80$ for only 2 weeks to workout, im going to go to the fitness room at my community center. I can do my cardio there, and they have some weights. It'll be limited, but better than nothing!

Starting Sept. 2nd, ill be away at school, and there are gyms on every campus! So all in all, now its just time to settle into a routine that i will stick to when i get to school.

I went to the doctor for my shots before i start school, and i weighted in at 187 on their scale. I'll take that as my current weight, even though basically im the same since December, my body looks completely different so its quite odd. I'd like to break 170 before i leave for school. I have six weeks to lose 17 lbs, and i think its quite possible.

I'm glad to be back!