I'm still here...and for the long haul :)
I've been away for a few days, i went to stay at my grandparents and i finally got to see my best friend who i haven't seen since the summer.
In general for the last week...food has been bad. Not with a CAPITAL BAD, but not good. I've just been eating a lot of junk, but not in huge quantities at all. In general, i haven't even been eating a lot of food at all....i just can't, which is a GOOD thing, but yet i feel like im still reaching for the same amount of food.....it's really been hard to adjust. Like, I'm still trying to eat the same amount of food as i ate before, even if it isn't bad food, but my stomach just refuses to accept it. That means that in general, i've been feeling a lot fuller when i eat, and not in a good way. I'm hoping my brain is finally starting to make the connection to my stomach that i don't need as much, and GOD FORBID i take a smaller portion, i can always get more food later. It's not like i can't go hungry for a little while or i can't go back and get more. But really this is happening all the time lately- but then again, im not sure if it really is happening, or im just eating little (bad) snacks here and there, and still eating just as much overall.
I worked out thursday night and friday i went to the gym, and saturday i had work which was physically and mentally exhausting b/c i found out that morning that i got into Uof Maryland (yay!) but then i found out that i didn't get into the scholars program and my best friend did. I mean i love her, but there's always been some competition between us. I've already filled out the application for the waitlist, so hopefully i will get into that when all the REALLY smart people go to different schools. Sunday-Tuesday i was away......this was where i didn't eat a lot of food at all, but when i did......not healthy. woops. Today was the first day back at school and food was ehh...i had 2 granola bars in the morning w/ water, and avoided all candy being sold in class. For lunch, i had 2 wendy's chnx nugget things off the dollar menu and i ordered fries, but i COULDN'T eat them. My stomach refused! Then after school, i had an apple w/ peanut butter (yay!) and at work i did have some candy and the top of a muffin. I guess that was really the only bad stuff......so not that bad. For dinner i had a chnx salad scoop, and i ordered a side ceaser with it, but once again COULDN'T eat it. Water wasn't great, three bottles of water (small) but better than the last few days. However, i haven't excerisced while i was away, and won't be able to tonight after work or tomorrow due to school stuff that i avoided over break. I'm pretty sure that the earliest i'll DEF. be able to work out is saturday b/c i have work friday afternoon, and then sat morning, so that even depends on how tired i am. If anything, well, life got in the way, and ill workout sunday morning. That's more than a week with nothing- something i haven't done in probably almost 6 weeks. I've never been able to say that before. {I just realized how much walking i did in the city on monday, so maybe that will save grace a teeny tiny bit}
In general, since i missed weigh in and FEEL like i probabely gained a few pounds back w/ the crappy eating, since i fluctuate so quickly, im not doing a weigh in this week. Hell, maybe not even next week. Mentally, i CAN'T afford to see a gain on the scales right now, so i'd just rather not weigh in at all. I'm also thinking that just b/c all that crappy food made me feel kinda blah im gonna go on a mini detox until sunday when we're going to a birthday dinner. So that will be three days with nothing but water, no processed foods at all, and no bready products. I REALLY need this- but i don't feel like im limiting myself- i don't feel like im forcing myself. It's something i want to do right now.
Oh well, we shall see how long this idea sticks tomorrow...lol.
I'm still looking for motivation especially when it feels like i fall off the wagon so often. I found some when i happened to glance at my horoscope while at work...
"As a typical gemini, you tend to have sensitive nerves. Now that Mars is in your sign, you'll have energy to spare. To keep it from turning into tension, you'll need an outlet, so head to the gym. This is a perfect time for Mars to rev you up: you've already begun a trend for improving your health, os you can double your progress."
I felt like this was all so true! I have been feeling a lot of tension and nervous energy....college decisions, boy feelings, ect....how odd to see what i was feeling in writing!
Once again, thanks to all for commenting. I know this blog is for me, but it's always GREAT to see that i have a support system who are all going through the same thing. My family is great, but they just aren't here for me the way i need them to be. So please, just keep the comments coming. In some strange way, knowing you guys care makes ME care more.
Happy hump day!
-milana
In general for the last week...food has been bad. Not with a CAPITAL BAD, but not good. I've just been eating a lot of junk, but not in huge quantities at all. In general, i haven't even been eating a lot of food at all....i just can't, which is a GOOD thing, but yet i feel like im still reaching for the same amount of food.....it's really been hard to adjust. Like, I'm still trying to eat the same amount of food as i ate before, even if it isn't bad food, but my stomach just refuses to accept it. That means that in general, i've been feeling a lot fuller when i eat, and not in a good way. I'm hoping my brain is finally starting to make the connection to my stomach that i don't need as much, and GOD FORBID i take a smaller portion, i can always get more food later. It's not like i can't go hungry for a little while or i can't go back and get more. But really this is happening all the time lately- but then again, im not sure if it really is happening, or im just eating little (bad) snacks here and there, and still eating just as much overall.
I worked out thursday night and friday i went to the gym, and saturday i had work which was physically and mentally exhausting b/c i found out that morning that i got into Uof Maryland (yay!) but then i found out that i didn't get into the scholars program and my best friend did. I mean i love her, but there's always been some competition between us. I've already filled out the application for the waitlist, so hopefully i will get into that when all the REALLY smart people go to different schools. Sunday-Tuesday i was away......this was where i didn't eat a lot of food at all, but when i did......not healthy. woops. Today was the first day back at school and food was ehh...i had 2 granola bars in the morning w/ water, and avoided all candy being sold in class. For lunch, i had 2 wendy's chnx nugget things off the dollar menu and i ordered fries, but i COULDN'T eat them. My stomach refused! Then after school, i had an apple w/ peanut butter (yay!) and at work i did have some candy and the top of a muffin. I guess that was really the only bad stuff......so not that bad. For dinner i had a chnx salad scoop, and i ordered a side ceaser with it, but once again COULDN'T eat it. Water wasn't great, three bottles of water (small) but better than the last few days. However, i haven't excerisced while i was away, and won't be able to tonight after work or tomorrow due to school stuff that i avoided over break. I'm pretty sure that the earliest i'll DEF. be able to work out is saturday b/c i have work friday afternoon, and then sat morning, so that even depends on how tired i am. If anything, well, life got in the way, and ill workout sunday morning. That's more than a week with nothing- something i haven't done in probably almost 6 weeks. I've never been able to say that before. {I just realized how much walking i did in the city on monday, so maybe that will save grace a teeny tiny bit}
In general, since i missed weigh in and FEEL like i probabely gained a few pounds back w/ the crappy eating, since i fluctuate so quickly, im not doing a weigh in this week. Hell, maybe not even next week. Mentally, i CAN'T afford to see a gain on the scales right now, so i'd just rather not weigh in at all. I'm also thinking that just b/c all that crappy food made me feel kinda blah im gonna go on a mini detox until sunday when we're going to a birthday dinner. So that will be three days with nothing but water, no processed foods at all, and no bready products. I REALLY need this- but i don't feel like im limiting myself- i don't feel like im forcing myself. It's something i want to do right now.
Oh well, we shall see how long this idea sticks tomorrow...lol.
I'm still looking for motivation especially when it feels like i fall off the wagon so often. I found some when i happened to glance at my horoscope while at work...
"As a typical gemini, you tend to have sensitive nerves. Now that Mars is in your sign, you'll have energy to spare. To keep it from turning into tension, you'll need an outlet, so head to the gym. This is a perfect time for Mars to rev you up: you've already begun a trend for improving your health, os you can double your progress."
I felt like this was all so true! I have been feeling a lot of tension and nervous energy....college decisions, boy feelings, ect....how odd to see what i was feeling in writing!
Once again, thanks to all for commenting. I know this blog is for me, but it's always GREAT to see that i have a support system who are all going through the same thing. My family is great, but they just aren't here for me the way i need them to be. So please, just keep the comments coming. In some strange way, knowing you guys care makes ME care more.
Happy hump day!
-milana
posted by bloomingbeing @ 6:35 PM
2 Comments:
At 2:24 PM,
Working Lady said…
Hi there! Man, I WISH I had done what you're doing while I was finishing high school. I waited until finishing college and it's hard. No matter how hard it gets or how many times you stumble, it will be SO worth it once you're in college. Don't give up! It sounds like you're on the way to great changes with college coming up and working on yourself!
At 2:21 PM,
Critter said…
You are in it for the long haul. Stick with it and don't give up!!
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