Growing up

Back to blogger....

Let's see.................D.C. was absolutly fantastic! I loved it even more than ever and was able to take the metro out to the University of Maryland, which was amazing. It's a beautiful school, all green grass and lots of large old buildings. Dorms leave much to be desired, but what else could I possible expect?

I've also been to Temple and Rutgers in the last week, so now I only have Towson left to see, and I will probably go to U Maryland when I'm down there again! God, I can't beleive that I have to decide where I'm going to school w/in the next month!

Diet wise and march madness have not been as sucessful as i would like. Let's see, the first half of D.C. I was great with the good + lots of walking....then the last couple of days i ate a lot of candy and just not that great in general.....and then the last week that i've been home i've basically eaten whatever and everything i could possibly want. Part of it's stress w/ all this college stuff, other times its just frustration and boredom.

The good news is that with all this junk, i've only gained a pound. The bad news is that while i had lost some inches, i'm still basically sitting at the same weight that i've been at since.......oh i don't know, January?! In total, I've only dropped 6 pounds! This makes me very.........annoyed. It's like, while i know im not doing everything that i need to be doing to lose the weight, i still feel like im thinking about it all the time, and so my mind plays tricks on me and is like....wellllllll you're trying to lose weight, its just not working.

I know for a fact that it's because im not consistent. Sometimes i work out, lots of times i don't. I eat out too much, and im still eating too much crap in general.

I know that these last couple of months have been important b/c even though the scale hasn't been moving all that much, mentally, lots has been going on. I know what works for me, and what doesn't. I know it's a journey, not a race. I know this isn't a diet, but a lifestyle change. I know that i feel BETTER when i eat right and excercise, but most importantly, I know that just because today was bad, doesn't mean its over.

I need to set some realistic goals(timeline) and rewards.
I need to find a plan that works for me, and i need to dedicate some time to it.
I need to realize that in the long run, this extra time and effort is MORE than worth it.
I need to do this now, for myself and for no one else.

I'm determined to do this- do it the right way, and find myself. I'm growing up, i'm changing, and it's ok. It's time for me to move on- to leave my childhood behind, and start making some real decisions and take some real responsibilites.

Sometimes it scares me that i want this so badly. I don't want to fail- and i've given up on a lot of things in life b/c i refuse to fail. I'd rather not try than fail. But this time, I'm not leaving myself either option. It's going to happen- I just know it. Maybe it won't happen by the time I want it to, but it will happen one day soon. Not ten or twenty years from now, but one day soon.